Attachment in Foster Children

We heard the word attachment at least 100x throughout our training. However, one thing that was said really stuck with me. I was told that attachment with foster children can be compared to attaching duct tape to a surface. The first time it is placed it sticks very well and a lot has to happen for it to be removed. Then it is placed again and it still sticks, but is not as hard to remove. By the third, fourth, and fifth time the duct tape is placed the stick is almost non-existent and it takes no effort to remove the tape from the surface.

This is brilliant. Foster children attach to their bio families like any child would. They love them and could not imagine their life without them. Then something bad/traumatic happens and the child is ripped from their home--damaged and reluctant to open up to love again. Then for some reason the child is moved yet again and that trust/willingness to open up is damaged even further. By the third and fourth placement, the child becomes closed off to love and all trust seems to have drifted away. Attachment is not a lost cause at this point, but it takes lots of "glue"---loving words, hugs, consistency, and quality time to open their hearts to relationship again.

We have seen this type of resistance to attachment in our own kids. We tell them we love them, encourage them, hug them, guide them, and spend time with them and yet they still wonder if they are wanted and loved. Their definition of love includes conditional and conditional love is not something anyone wants. If someone told you I will love you if....would you want to open your heart to them? Even though we have never said this, these words creep into their minds. After attaching to people over and over and being ripped away time and time again eternal love does not exist in their worlds.

We work hard everyday to ensure that our kids know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved and wanted. Yes, we still have rough days and our love is "tested"---(as if they could actually change it). But more often than not we have glimpses of hope for these children through beaming smiles, "I love you" notes, hugs, and laughter. Our love for them is overflowing. I am so thankful to God for our three precious gifts and I hope one day they realize that they are gifts from God and see in theirselves what we see in them.

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*image from wideopenspaces.com

The Orange Mosquito!

Hello All!!

We had a wonderful weekend! The kids visited our home for the first time. The new toys, rooms, and clothes brought a lot of excitement. The little man played legos for hours and has many creations on display now. The girls played dress up and dolls until their room was a complete tornado (in a good way).

Meal times were the best as we all got to spend time together. The kids laughed, sang songs, and occasionally even got up and danced. Their appetites were suprising to say the least---they ate A LOT!! We even had to go to the store for more fruit, because they were eating us out of house and home. :) I imagine we will have high water pants in a few months.

Little man even suprised me with flowers after going to the store with Brenton. It was the sweetest thing ever! He said, "Close your eyes, I have a surprise", and then handed me a beautiful bouquet. I asked Brenton afterwards if it was his idea. He said, "No, it was little man's idea." Brenton said little man wanted to make me VERY happy. So cute!

We did take the kids to church. They were all VERY nervous at first and did not want us to leave them. We waited about five minutes and then told each of them we were going to adult church. Brenton was worried and asked to check on them multiple times, but I reassured him they would be fine. We went to pick them up and were immediately greeted with smiles and crafts. They even asked if they could come back! I am so thankful for the welcoming volunteers that serve in the children's ministry. They loved on our kids and made them feel so comfortable.

We cannot wait to see them again in a week! They are absolutely amazing! Thanks for all of your prayers. Please pray for the kids as the transition continues and their stay becomes more full-time. Pray for us as we continue to adjust to being parents of three. Last, but not least, pray for their family as they grieve the loss of their daily presence.

Oh, okay I know what you are thinking, "Why is the title the orange mosquito?" On the way back to the house the second day we asked the kids if they remembered the colors of certain rooms and such. One of the kids said, "I know what color the mosquite is!" By mosquito, he meant the Voltswagon Beetle in our garage! From now on, I guess it will be called the Orange mosquito! :)

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God's Plan At Work

Hello All!

A lot has happened since I last posted. We went to a placement hearing two weeks ago for the three kiddos we went to pick up mid-December. It was ordered that transition with the goal of adoption into our home was to be initiated. It was actually a very sad moment. With adoption, there is always a loss. A child loses the life and family they are use to and the family loses a child. It is not a happy moment, but a response to tragedy. Yes, there is happy parts of adoption--a family is being built. However, a family is also ripped apart and the initial phases of adoption are filled with sadness.

We are confident that God can bring hope to our children in the midst of their tragedy and have been praying for them and their family daily. We began our prayers asking for peace as the first visit approached just a few days following the hearing.

Throughout our visit we were told "God gave me peace", by family members and friends of the children. It was surreal. I was so thankful for God's hand in the situation before we even saw the children's faces. I knew then that we had entered the plan God had for us all along and I could not help, but feel a sense of relief.

Our visit started out a little quiet with the children, but after praying with their relative we started hearing girlie squeals, loads of laughter, and the sweetness of a little boy's singing voice. The visit was more than we could have imagined and God was definitely at work. By the end the kids were asking us to stay. The workers were amazed as I described the visit and could not believe how well it went. Isn't that how our God is? His work is so great and mighty that it cannot be explained by human thought!  We were even told our presence brought the family peace (only we know it was not us, but God). He was in charge and He rocked it! :) It is such a blessing to see His plan through our own two eyes! He brought us children who love Him, love their veggies :), and have sweet spirits. Our hearts are filled with joy!

Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for the family as they let go of these amazing children, for the children as their lives are turned upside down, and for us as we become parents of three beautiful children.

I Chronicles 29:13
"And now we thank you, and praise your glorious name"

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10 Christian Songs That Offer Encouragement During the Adoption Process

My husband and I compiled a list of songs that have helped us keep our focus on God throughout our journey. We hope that these songs may be an encouragement to you in whatever you are facing. 

10.) "What Faith Can Do" By Kutless

We are reminded to not lose hope when the sky is falling and stand firm in the faith. When the world says we can't keep going faith will tell us that we can. Our prayers will be answered. 

9.) "Worn" Tenth Avenue North

Sometimes this process wears on us emotionally, but we know a God who will give us the strength to get through. 

8.)"Strong Enough" By Matthew West  

This song reminds us that we are not strong enough to conquer this process alone, but with God we will get through. 

7.)"Walk On The Water" By Britt Nicole

This song reminds us of why we started the process and why we will never give up! God's calling is strong and cannot be ignored. 

6.) "He Said" Group 1 Crew

Sometimes this process does not make sense and we can now wrap our heads around the pain. This song reminds us that God does not give us anything we cannot handle, because with Him we can face anything life may bring. 

5.) "Oceans" By Hillsong United

This song reminds us that God is leading as we are trusting Him with our lives and listening to His call. 

4.) "Praise You In The Storm" By Casting Crowns

We have had our hearts torn to pieces during this process, but through it all we are reminded to praise Him in the storm. He holds our tears and stands by our side. 

3.) "Mountain of God" By Third Day

Sometimes this process becomes a very lonely road. This song reminds us that we never have to feel alone, because God is there. At times, after the tears and pain we are reminded to seek God. My prayer is that we seek Him first in all circumstances. 

2.) "Fear" By Casting Crowns

This song reminds us to proceed without fear of the future, because God is always with us. 

1.) "One Less" By Matthew West 

Lastly, this song reminds us to keep our dream alive. We will meet our child one day and it will be the child God has been planning for us all along. 

And Always Remember.....

 

 

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(Picture from http://lynndove.com/2014/01/22/25-encouraging-scripture-verses-for-those-facing-struggle/; Videos from youtube.com)

Rough Road, Rewarding Destination

Hey All! It has been a while since I have posted. We have had a little bit of a rough road on the adoption front lately. Early December, we received a call from a frantic case manager stating that she has chosen us as the parents for three beautiful children and may need placement ASAP depending on the reaction of the current guardian. My heart leaped with excitement and I automatically realized I had to leave for work in 15 minutes and I did not even have the beds made. I quickly made three beds and rushed to work. I prayed all day that the guardian would be willing to keep the children until school released for winter break. I could not imagine the thoughts the kids would have if their guardian whom they loved dearly was seperated from them without warning. Later that afternoon I received word that their guardian had agreed to keep them until school released for break. I was so relieved for the kids and excited to become family of five in a few short weeks.

We immediately went to work preparing every little detail for their upcoming arrival. We were scheduled to meet them the following Saturday and we could not wait! Late Friday night we received word that due to transportation problems the children would not be able to make it to our meeting place Saturday. We were disappointed, but understood. We continued to personalize their rooms, prepared our vehicle with boosters, wrapped christmas presents, and registered them for school. The evening after I registered our sweet kiddos for school we received word that their was a party opposing the move. My heart sank. We held our breathe over the next few days, but in the end we received word that we were still scheduled to pick them up that Friday. With high anticipation, we drove an hour to pick up the kids. I could not wait to see their sweet faces. We arrived at the pick up location a little early and quickly received word that a court order had been placed opposing their move minutes before we arrived. I just sat there in disbelief as the case manager explained the situation. After getting more details about the reason for opposition we left and entered our car with three empty boosters. It was the hardest car ride of my life. Brenton wanted to talk about it, but I just shut down. We grabbed a bite to eat and headed home. Needless to say that night and the few days following were filled with tears, anger, dissappointment, and wonder. We then received word on Christmas Eve that the children still may be placed in our home. Two weeks has passed with no news.

We continue to receive referrals for kids who need homes and have been recommended to move on. Hearing the words, "do not wait for those kids it could take forever" killed us, but we know that God has the perefect plan in store for us and we have decided to leave all doors open at this point. We have received several referrals for children that need homes over the past couple of weeks. We are now just waiting to hear back. We cannot wait to meet the child(ren) God has planned for us. Please keep us in your prayers as we embark on our first placement, the rewarding destination we have been waiting for.

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Why Siblings?

We are often looked at as crazy when we mention to others that we are open to up to three children in our home. People often give comments, such as "That is going to be a lot", "3 kids, really?", "Do you think that would be too much?", and "Don't agree to more than you can handle." We do understand that providing a home for 2+ children will be a challenge. We understand even more that these children are hard to place and allowing them to stay together is extremely important. Sibling groups who are able to stay together are able to transition easier, because they have each other. The only other people in their lives that truly understand and have seen their past are their siblings. Please see the video/photo below for more information and begin praying that siblings are able to remain together.

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Happy National Adoption Month!

It has been amazing reading about and viewing the joy of adoption this month through blogs, posts, pictures, and news articles. There are many children who are now officially a member of a family, Praise God! What a blessing for both the children and the families.

But, I can't help but think about the many children who only wished National Adoption Day was their day to become part of a family and yet they still wait. Our hearts have been aching as we await our first placement. We dream of our future child(ren) and become more anxious everyday. We are on our third month of waiting and it has seemed like an eternity. As I laid dreaming of our future child(ren) last week, I browsed through the many pictures of the "waiting" children and I quickly found that some of the children have not been waiting months, but years to be placed with their forever family. It brought tears to my eyes as I watched a video of a young boy expressing his wish to be adopted. Then I realized the video was posted almost three years ago. My heart broke and I was immediately forced to look at things in a greater perspective.

We went into this process focusing on the child(ren) and their need for a family. We felt called by God to provide love, safety, and stability to at least one child. And yet, it is easy to become self-focused. Questions, such as "Why is this taking so long?", "Why don't we have a child yet?", and "Why don't we know something?" creep into our minds. All questions focusing toward us and our desires. What a huge wake up call and sense of redirection. This process is about the children and meeting their needs. No matter how long the process takes in the end we will be able to provide a child the love that is desperately needed. Until that day comes I have been reminded to be thankful for the present and continue praying for the many children who are waiting for forever families.

If the story of this young boy or the stories of many other foster children touch your heart and you sense a calling to help, please do! These children need us. Listen to the calling you have in your heart and allow God to lead. There are many ways to show love to children that desperately need it. For more information please go to  http://www.adoptuskids.org/join-the-conversation/ways-to-help.

Please continue to pray for us as we await our first placement, but more importantly pray for the children who are "waiting" for their forever family.

John 14:18
"I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you."

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