If you have not watched Removed Part 2 yet, please do! It gives a very accurate depiction of why it is important to place siblings together.
If you enjoyed this post, please click the link below to vote for us!
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Goodbye Honeymoon
As we were taking our classes and reading books, we often read about how children have a honeymoon stage when first placed and the honeymoon ends and struggles are revealed. This could not be more true.
Each of our children has taken their own path and the more open they are about their feelings the easier the struggles are. One of our children is pretty expressive and open about their feelings. We have not had any major behavioral problems with this child. However, there have been a number of days when we have held this child as the child weeped and talked about their struggles. This particular child does not remember a lot of the trauma that was endured in the past, but is still dealing with the present. While the other two children are dealing with the past and present at the same time. We often see the feelings, that their trauma has caused, expressed through anger, clamming up, and the need to control/manipulate.
One of our children progressed through the stages of grief rather quickly. The child left the honeymoon stage after about of week and started becoming angry about a lot of things. We were able to talk this child through their feelings and the child has started to trust us, which is a huge thing! Yes, there are still bad days, but this child is learning to express their feelings more and more each day. I am so thankful to God for this. Another one of our children used dismissive behaviors rather than anger at first.
This child clammed up for weeks and refused to talk about feelings. Each time asked about feelings, the response was, "I am happy, or I am fine." Then one day this child exploded. We are still struggling with major outbursts that have started to affect safety. I have hope that one day this child will be able to express their feelings appropriately, but today we are in the middle of the battle and it is hard. There are days that I feel like a total failure and I just want to snap my fingers and make everything okay. However, I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. We are taking steps to help the child's situation improve and I have hope that it will get better. It may not be next week or next year, but it will get better. I know God chose this child for us and I am confident that He will guide us through our struggles. Please pray for us and the child (please do not ask names) as we continue to walk through these struggles together.
Even though we are facing obstacles at this time I would not have changed a thing. Having these children in my life has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love these children with all my heart and nothing that they may do or have done will change that. I thank God for the amazing three gifts He gave us and I cannot imagine my life without them.
1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Thank you for your prayers.
If you enjoyed this post please click the icon below to vote for us!!
Each of our children has taken their own path and the more open they are about their feelings the easier the struggles are. One of our children is pretty expressive and open about their feelings. We have not had any major behavioral problems with this child. However, there have been a number of days when we have held this child as the child weeped and talked about their struggles. This particular child does not remember a lot of the trauma that was endured in the past, but is still dealing with the present. While the other two children are dealing with the past and present at the same time. We often see the feelings, that their trauma has caused, expressed through anger, clamming up, and the need to control/manipulate.
One of our children progressed through the stages of grief rather quickly. The child left the honeymoon stage after about of week and started becoming angry about a lot of things. We were able to talk this child through their feelings and the child has started to trust us, which is a huge thing! Yes, there are still bad days, but this child is learning to express their feelings more and more each day. I am so thankful to God for this. Another one of our children used dismissive behaviors rather than anger at first.
This child clammed up for weeks and refused to talk about feelings. Each time asked about feelings, the response was, "I am happy, or I am fine." Then one day this child exploded. We are still struggling with major outbursts that have started to affect safety. I have hope that one day this child will be able to express their feelings appropriately, but today we are in the middle of the battle and it is hard. There are days that I feel like a total failure and I just want to snap my fingers and make everything okay. However, I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. We are taking steps to help the child's situation improve and I have hope that it will get better. It may not be next week or next year, but it will get better. I know God chose this child for us and I am confident that He will guide us through our struggles. Please pray for us and the child (please do not ask names) as we continue to walk through these struggles together.
Even though we are facing obstacles at this time I would not have changed a thing. Having these children in my life has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love these children with all my heart and nothing that they may do or have done will change that. I thank God for the amazing three gifts He gave us and I cannot imagine my life without them.
1 Peter 5:10
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Thank you for your prayers.
If you enjoyed this post please click the icon below to vote for us!!
We are blessed!
People often ask us if we have the option of dissolving the adoption plans. Honestly, we do have that option, which kind of breaks my heart. It is great that we have the extra support and services for 6 months after placement to help the children heal and adjust. However, this is all we look at this time period as. We cannot imagine ever giving up on the beautiful children God has blessed us with.
Saying this process has been a little difficult is an understatement. It is hard and some days it stretches my emotions to the deepest they have ever reached, but my kids are worth every minute. I know from the outside we may seem crazy, but if you have seen their sweet smiles and eyes starting to fill with hope you know without a shadow of a doubt that we are not crazy. We are BLESSED to have these amazing children in our lives.
As we continue our journey, I am reminded more and more of God's plan for us and how amazing it is to see it with my own two eyes. Our kids are growing physically, emotionally, and socially in ways doctors and caseworkers never thought was possible. It is amazing to watch. Little man is opening up more each day to the idea of a forever family and each time he sits in my lap as we have our heart to heart talks I melt. Our beautiful butterfly is starting to realize that she is loved in our home. She often asks for extra cuddles and makes us beautiful pictures with the word love written in every space possible. Our refrigerator is officially overflowing with beautiful artwork. Our little peanut is growing like a weed and learning more English words everyday. She is our joyful child, who is often found singing, rocking her babies, or playing house with big sister. Every time she calls me mommy my heart leaps.
James 1:17
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..."
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
Saying this process has been a little difficult is an understatement. It is hard and some days it stretches my emotions to the deepest they have ever reached, but my kids are worth every minute. I know from the outside we may seem crazy, but if you have seen their sweet smiles and eyes starting to fill with hope you know without a shadow of a doubt that we are not crazy. We are BLESSED to have these amazing children in our lives.
As we continue our journey, I am reminded more and more of God's plan for us and how amazing it is to see it with my own two eyes. Our kids are growing physically, emotionally, and socially in ways doctors and caseworkers never thought was possible. It is amazing to watch. Little man is opening up more each day to the idea of a forever family and each time he sits in my lap as we have our heart to heart talks I melt. Our beautiful butterfly is starting to realize that she is loved in our home. She often asks for extra cuddles and makes us beautiful pictures with the word love written in every space possible. Our refrigerator is officially overflowing with beautiful artwork. Our little peanut is growing like a weed and learning more English words everyday. She is our joyful child, who is often found singing, rocking her babies, or playing house with big sister. Every time she calls me mommy my heart leaps.
James 1:17
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..."
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
I will never be the only "mommy" and that's okay..
I am often told that my children are blessed or lucky to be with me. I am also asked questions that place their parents in a negative light. This is most likely because most people believe that a foster child comes from a monster, who is neglectful and/or abusive. In most cases this is the farthest from the truth. These mothers chose life! They love their children and try their best to provide for their needs, but unfortunately environmental factors get in the way of their dreams. They most likely made yummy food, put a band aid on a "boo boo", and sang a lullabye at some point. Yes, mistakes were made, but that does not lesson their roles as mommies. Most children view their mother as a superhero and when that is taken away from them it is tragic, not lucky.
Then they are moved to a new place with a woman who may only be "momma" for a moment, but is still their momma. This woman helped mold them into the people they are today and took care of each need until they have moved on. There may be many woman in a foster child's life who were temporary "mommas", but the word temporary does not lesson their role. Children often become attached and love their temporary "mommas" and will continue to love them forever.
I feel blessed and thankful to have many women in my childrens' lives who made them who they are today. Not every situation in their lives were grand, but something made them as special as they are today! They are beautiful, loving, and compassionate children who were molded by their bio parents, foster parents, and kin parents. Without one of these individuals in their history they would not be the children they are today.
I am the lucky one.
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
Then they are moved to a new place with a woman who may only be "momma" for a moment, but is still their momma. This woman helped mold them into the people they are today and took care of each need until they have moved on. There may be many woman in a foster child's life who were temporary "mommas", but the word temporary does not lesson their role. Children often become attached and love their temporary "mommas" and will continue to love them forever.
I feel blessed and thankful to have many women in my childrens' lives who made them who they are today. Not every situation in their lives were grand, but something made them as special as they are today! They are beautiful, loving, and compassionate children who were molded by their bio parents, foster parents, and kin parents. Without one of these individuals in their history they would not be the children they are today.
I am the lucky one.
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Attachment in Foster Children
We heard the word attachment at least 100x throughout our training. However, one thing that was said really stuck with me. I was told that attachment with foster children can be compared to attaching duct tape to a surface. The first time it is placed it sticks very well and a lot has to happen for it to be removed. Then it is placed again and it still sticks, but is not as hard to remove. By the third, fourth, and fifth time the duct tape is placed the stick is almost non-existent and it takes no effort to remove the tape from the surface.
This is brilliant. Foster children attach to their bio families like any child would. They love them and could not imagine their life without them. Then something bad/traumatic happens and the child is ripped from their home--damaged and reluctant to open up to love again. Then for some reason the child is moved yet again and that trust/willingness to open up is damaged even further. By the third and fourth placement, the child becomes closed off to love and all trust seems to have drifted away. Attachment is not a lost cause at this point, but it takes lots of "glue"---loving words, hugs, consistency, and quality time to open their hearts to relationship again.
We have seen this type of resistance to attachment in our own kids. We tell them we love them, encourage them, hug them, guide them, and spend time with them and yet they still wonder if they are wanted and loved. Their definition of love includes conditional and conditional love is not something anyone wants. If someone told you I will love you if....would you want to open your heart to them? Even though we have never said this, these words creep into their minds. After attaching to people over and over and being ripped away time and time again eternal love does not exist in their worlds.
We work hard everyday to ensure that our kids know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved and wanted. Yes, we still have rough days and our love is "tested"---(as if they could actually change it). But more often than not we have glimpses of hope for these children through beaming smiles, "I love you" notes, hugs, and laughter. Our love for them is overflowing. I am so thankful to God for our three precious gifts and I hope one day they realize that they are gifts from God and see in theirselves what we see in them.
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
*image from wideopenspaces.com
Monday, February 9, 2015
The Orange Mosquito!
Hello All!!
We had a wonderful weekend! The kids visited our home for the first time. The new toys, rooms, and clothes brought a lot of excitement. The little man played legos for hours and has many creations on display now. The girls played dress up and dolls until their room was a complete tornado (in a good way).
Meal times were the best as we all got to spend time together. The kids laughed, sang songs, and occasionally even got up and danced. Their appetites were suprising to say the least---they ate A LOT!! We even had to go to the store for more fruit, because they were eating us out of house and home. :) I imagine we will have high water pants in a few months.
Little man even suprised me with flowers after going to the store with Brenton. It was the sweetest thing ever! He said, "Close your eyes, I have a surprise", and then handed me a beautiful bouquet. I asked Brenton afterwards if it was his idea. He said, "No, it was little man's idea." Brenton said little man wanted to make me VERY happy. So cute!
We did take the kids to church. They were all VERY nervous at first and did not want us to leave them. We waited about five minutes and then told each of them we were going to adult church. Brenton was worried and asked to check on them multiple times, but I reassured him they would be fine. We went to pick them up and were immediately greeted with smiles and crafts. They even asked if they could come back! I am so thankful for the welcoming volunteers that serve in the children's ministry. They loved on our kids and made them feel so comfortable.
We cannot wait to see them again in a week! They are absolutely amazing! Thanks for all of your prayers. Please pray for the kids as the transition continues and their stay becomes more full-time. Pray for us as we continue to adjust to being parents of three. Last, but not least, pray for their family as they grieve the loss of their daily presence.
Oh, okay I know what you are thinking, "Why is the title the orange mosquito?" On the way back to the house the second day we asked the kids if they remembered the colors of certain rooms and such. One of the kids said, "I know what color the mosquite is!" By mosquito, he meant the Voltswagon Beetle in our garage! From now on, I guess it will be called the Orange mosquito! :)
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
We had a wonderful weekend! The kids visited our home for the first time. The new toys, rooms, and clothes brought a lot of excitement. The little man played legos for hours and has many creations on display now. The girls played dress up and dolls until their room was a complete tornado (in a good way).
Meal times were the best as we all got to spend time together. The kids laughed, sang songs, and occasionally even got up and danced. Their appetites were suprising to say the least---they ate A LOT!! We even had to go to the store for more fruit, because they were eating us out of house and home. :) I imagine we will have high water pants in a few months.
Little man even suprised me with flowers after going to the store with Brenton. It was the sweetest thing ever! He said, "Close your eyes, I have a surprise", and then handed me a beautiful bouquet. I asked Brenton afterwards if it was his idea. He said, "No, it was little man's idea." Brenton said little man wanted to make me VERY happy. So cute!
We did take the kids to church. They were all VERY nervous at first and did not want us to leave them. We waited about five minutes and then told each of them we were going to adult church. Brenton was worried and asked to check on them multiple times, but I reassured him they would be fine. We went to pick them up and were immediately greeted with smiles and crafts. They even asked if they could come back! I am so thankful for the welcoming volunteers that serve in the children's ministry. They loved on our kids and made them feel so comfortable.
We cannot wait to see them again in a week! They are absolutely amazing! Thanks for all of your prayers. Please pray for the kids as the transition continues and their stay becomes more full-time. Pray for us as we continue to adjust to being parents of three. Last, but not least, pray for their family as they grieve the loss of their daily presence.
Oh, okay I know what you are thinking, "Why is the title the orange mosquito?" On the way back to the house the second day we asked the kids if they remembered the colors of certain rooms and such. One of the kids said, "I know what color the mosquite is!" By mosquito, he meant the Voltswagon Beetle in our garage! From now on, I guess it will be called the Orange mosquito! :)
If you enjoyed this post, please click the icon below to vote for us!
Sunday, February 1, 2015
God's Plan At Work
Hello All!
A lot has happened since I last posted. We went to a placement hearing two weeks ago for the three kiddos we went to pick up mid-December. It was ordered that transition with the goal of adoption into our home was to be initiated. It was actually a very sad moment. With adoption, there is always a loss. A child loses the life and family they are use to and the family loses a child. It is not a happy moment, but a response to tragedy. Yes, there is happy parts of adoption--a family is being built. However, a family is also ripped apart and the initial phases of adoption are filled with sadness.
We are confident that God can bring hope to our children in the midst of their tragedy and have been praying for them and their family daily. We began our prayers asking for peace as the first visit approached just a few days following the hearing.
Throughout our visit we were told "God gave me peace", by family members and friends of the children. It was surreal. I was so thankful for God's hand in the situation before we even saw the children's faces. I knew then that we had entered the plan God had for us all along and I could not help, but feel a sense of relief.
Our visit started out a little quiet with the children, but after praying with their relative we started hearing girlie squeals, loads of laughter, and the sweetness of a little boy's singing voice. The visit was more than we could have imagined and God was definitely at work. By the end the kids were asking us to stay. The workers were amazed as I described the visit and could not believe how well it went. Isn't that how our God is? His work is so great and mighty that it cannot be explained by human thought! We were even told our presence brought the family peace (only we know it was not us, but God). He was in charge and He rocked it! :) It is such a blessing to see His plan through our own two eyes! He brought us children who love Him, love their veggies :), and have sweet spirits. Our hearts are filled with joy!
Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for the family as they let go of these amazing children, for the children as their lives are turned upside down, and for us as we become parents of three beautiful children.
I Chronicles 29:13
"And now we thank you, and praise your glorious name"
If you enjoyed this post please click the icon below to vote for us!
A lot has happened since I last posted. We went to a placement hearing two weeks ago for the three kiddos we went to pick up mid-December. It was ordered that transition with the goal of adoption into our home was to be initiated. It was actually a very sad moment. With adoption, there is always a loss. A child loses the life and family they are use to and the family loses a child. It is not a happy moment, but a response to tragedy. Yes, there is happy parts of adoption--a family is being built. However, a family is also ripped apart and the initial phases of adoption are filled with sadness.
We are confident that God can bring hope to our children in the midst of their tragedy and have been praying for them and their family daily. We began our prayers asking for peace as the first visit approached just a few days following the hearing.
Throughout our visit we were told "God gave me peace", by family members and friends of the children. It was surreal. I was so thankful for God's hand in the situation before we even saw the children's faces. I knew then that we had entered the plan God had for us all along and I could not help, but feel a sense of relief.
Our visit started out a little quiet with the children, but after praying with their relative we started hearing girlie squeals, loads of laughter, and the sweetness of a little boy's singing voice. The visit was more than we could have imagined and God was definitely at work. By the end the kids were asking us to stay. The workers were amazed as I described the visit and could not believe how well it went. Isn't that how our God is? His work is so great and mighty that it cannot be explained by human thought! We were even told our presence brought the family peace (only we know it was not us, but God). He was in charge and He rocked it! :) It is such a blessing to see His plan through our own two eyes! He brought us children who love Him, love their veggies :), and have sweet spirits. Our hearts are filled with joy!
Thank you for your prayers. Please continue to pray for the family as they let go of these amazing children, for the children as their lives are turned upside down, and for us as we become parents of three beautiful children.
I Chronicles 29:13
"And now we thank you, and praise your glorious name"
If you enjoyed this post please click the icon below to vote for us!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
I have come across several Facebook surveys that includes lists. One of the items on the list is four things you hate. On these lists peopl... -
My husband and I have been taking TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention) parenting classes. It is strongly based on the work of Karyn P...
-
I often read about things that parents wish they would have known before fostering or adopting a child. The items on the list have varied f...
