Sunday, June 14, 2015

Goodbye Honeymoon

As we were taking our classes and reading books, we often read about how children have a honeymoon stage when first placed and the honeymoon ends and struggles are revealed. This could not be more true.

Each of our children has taken their own path and the more open they are about their feelings the easier the struggles are. One of our children is pretty expressive and open about their feelings. We have not had any major behavioral problems with this child. However, there have been a number of days when we have held this child as the child weeped and talked about their struggles. This particular child does not remember a lot of the trauma that was endured in the past, but is still dealing with the present. While the other two children are dealing with the past and present at the same time. We often see the feelings, that their trauma has caused, expressed through anger, clamming up, and the need to control/manipulate.

One of our children progressed through the stages of grief rather quickly. The child left the honeymoon stage after about of week and started becoming angry about a lot of things. We were able to talk this child through their feelings and the child has started to trust us, which is a huge thing! Yes, there are still bad days, but this child is learning to express their feelings more and more each day. I am so thankful to God for this. Another one of our children used dismissive behaviors rather than anger at first.

This child clammed up for weeks and refused to talk about feelings. Each time asked about feelings, the response was, "I am happy, or I am fine." Then one day this child exploded. We are still struggling with major outbursts that have started to affect safety. I have hope that one day this child will be able to express their feelings appropriately, but today we are in the middle of the battle and it is hard. There are days that I feel like a total failure and I just want to snap my fingers and make everything okay. However, I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. We are taking steps to help the child's situation improve and I have hope that it will get better. It may not be next week or next year, but it will get better. I know God chose this child for us and I am confident that He will guide us through our struggles. Please pray for us and the child (please do not ask names) as we continue to walk through these struggles together.

Even though we are facing obstacles at this time I would not have changed a thing. Having these children in my life has been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love these children with all my heart and nothing that they may do or have done will change that. I thank God for the amazing three gifts He gave us and I cannot imagine my life without them.

1 Peter 5:10     
And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Thank you for your prayers.

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We are blessed!

People often ask us if we have the option of dissolving the adoption plans. Honestly, we do have that option, which kind of breaks my heart. It is great that we have the extra support and services for 6 months after placement to help the children heal and adjust. However, this is all we look at this time period as. We cannot imagine ever giving up on the beautiful children God has blessed us with.

Saying this process has been a little difficult is an understatement. It is hard and some days it stretches my emotions to the deepest they have ever reached, but my kids are worth every minute. I know from the outside we may seem crazy, but if you have seen their sweet smiles and eyes starting to fill with hope you know without a shadow of a doubt that we are not crazy. We are BLESSED to have these amazing children in our lives.

As we continue our journey, I am reminded more and more of God's plan for us and how amazing it is to see it with my own two eyes. Our kids are growing physically, emotionally, and socially in ways doctors and caseworkers never thought was possible. It is amazing to watch. Little man is opening up more each day to the idea of a forever family and each time he sits in my lap as we have our heart to heart talks I melt. Our beautiful butterfly is starting to realize that she is loved in our home. She often asks for extra cuddles and makes us beautiful pictures with the word love written in every space possible. Our refrigerator is officially overflowing with beautiful artwork. Our little peanut is growing like a weed and learning more English words everyday. She is our joyful child, who is often found singing, rocking her babies, or playing house with big sister. Every time she calls me mommy my heart leaps.

James 1:17
"Every good and perfect gift comes from above..."

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